Emptiness is a Bitch

I feel so empty. That's why I invited Mark over. That's why I'm on my first glass of champagne and hoping I'll get drunk enough to make the emptiness go away. And that's why I don't think I'll have my virginity in oh about an hour. I feel like I need to belong, like I need to please someone becaues I obviously can't do anything right to please myself. I feel so god damn alone. I miss my friends, I miss Collin I miss my parents I miss being normal old me. I don't know what I've become ever since him. It's amazing how one asshole person can fuck up your life. I mean before then I could barely see myself having a conversation with a person twice my age let alone about to lose somehting I'll only have once to him. My first post was totally wrong. Normal people don't have the fucked up problems I do. Sure I may have loads of money at my disposal but that doesn't mean I'm happy. Not at all. I'd give my life up to some poor, third world kid than have to live this fucked up life I do. I hope I get drunk enough by the time he comes over to not have second thoughts.
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